There are many myths surrounding how to finger oneself — “Will it hurt?” and “Will it bleed?” are just some of them. However, knowing how to finger yourself is one of the most important self-pleasuring skills a woman can possess in our contemporary world. Why? Because it shows that you’re in alignment with your body and that you’re intentional about what you hope to achieve from a foreplay session or sex.
Before we continue any further, you should know that there’s no shame in learning to finger yourself. In fact, fingering, a type of female masturbation is considered a form of wellness and should be embraced openly. So, even if you’re new to fingering, we’ve got you. Sit back, relax, and let’s delve into the details about what’s required before a good fingering sesh, how to go about fingering yourself, some useful fingering techniques, and what we regard as the best sex toys for fingering.
What You Should Do
If you’re wondering, it’s not as complicated as you think. In fact, it’s nothing sophisticated. Remember, it’s about keeping it simple and being open to discover what works for you. So, here’s what you’ll need before fingering yourself:
Book Free Time
We’ve positioned this first because it’s more essential than most girls think. Self-pleasure, like your brunch plans or movie dates, should be given a time slot in your calendar. To avoid rushing or any sticky (the non-pleasure kind) situations, give yourself permission to embark on the full experience and time to feel yourself — literally.
Wash Your Hands
Safety Cleanliness, first. Due to the nature of fingering and its somewhat messy process, practising hygiene by washing your hands (and external genitalia) before and after fingering is non-negotiable. Not to mention, your nails should be trimmed as well to avoid any unwanted injuries or scratches.
Lube Yourself
If you’re worried about potentially feeling some discomfort — it’s lubricant to the rescue. Incorporating some lube into your solo play or lovemaking intensifies desire and pleasure. As beginners, we recommend using a drop and adding more according to your mood.
Try a Mirror
We know you’re probably curious about how all that fingering action is looking down there. Great! Keeping an open mind will take you far on your self-discovery journey. Set your timer for approximately 10-15 minutes, grab a hand mirror, and get to know your vulva (how she looks, her parts, and how she makes you feel when touched). Go slow and explore all corners for a liberating experience, which we’re sure you will feel.
Play with Sex Toys
While your fingers can work wonders, as you progress in your self-pleasure journey, you might want to explore toys. After all, you’ll need some good clit lovin’ to reach orgasm and sex toys vibrate faster and more consistently. Also, we know how your fingers might get tired after some time. So, find the tip of your toy and position it at your clit and let it work its magic.
How to Finger Yourself
Ready to turn up the heat? If fingering is totally new to you, we’ve researched these simple steps that are simple, unintimidating, and most importantly, safe. Try these steps and we’re sure you’re on your way to a climax.
Set the Scene
There’s a reason why people call it “getting” in the mood because, at times, it does need a bit of planning. Remember that arousal is important to pleasurable fingering, so don’t skip this step. Why? Simply put, you wouldn’t be getting the full experience or to put it directly, your orgasm might be a letdown, which could lead to your overall opinion of sex and foreplay. So, SET. THE. SCENE. If you’re unsure how to go about it, give these ways a try:
Relax Your Mind
Take deep breaths and silence your overthinking mind for a bit. Release any stress that’s bogging you down. If you’re stressed, it won’t be as pleasant and you won’t feel as sexy about yourself and you might not get turned on as you hope to be.
Find a Private Space
Unwanted company is never a good thing, especially when you’re fingering. Find a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted, usually, one’s bedroom works well. Fluff up some cushions, lie back, and get comfortable. If you share a bedroom with another person, the bathroom works just as well (minus the lying back) since plenty of sex toys are water and splashproof.
Entertain Your Imagination
What this means is allowing your mind to wander and think about the things that make you feel sexy or naughty. If it’s a particular scene or a particular character or how they’re dressed — go for it. If that isn’t your thing, try the following: reading an erotic novel, listening to some sexy R&B, thinking about what you’d be doing with a particular person, etc.
Stimulate the Senses
If you’re still not quite in the mood yet, try giving your senses a treat. Whether it’s sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch, there are several options you could try to put you in fingering mode:
- Watch some porn
- Turn down the lights
- Move your body to sensual music
- Seeing yourself in lingerie
Play with Your Body
Your body loves some extra touch time. Start with your breasts, lightly graze your fingers across them and feel the sensation. Once you’re ready, head downwards, to the stomach until you reach your clitoris. From there, gently rub on your outer and inner labia, gliding up and done. If done right, some women reach orgasm just from these touches.
Fingering Your Vulva
By now, you should know that lube is your friend, so use it as needed. Using one finger, slowly feel your labia (your vaginal lips). The soft touches are usually enough to get you a little wet, turning you on. Once you’re ready, work your way deeper for a more intense solo play.
Maintain a Rhythm
Getting into a rhythm means trying a variety of finger-play and speed and finding your sweet spot. Discover more of yourself in this process and be open to taking it faster, slower, softer, or harder. That being said, knowing what you’re into is great for fingering or touching on your own but even greater when you direct a partner in the bedroom — it adds to the mood.
Switch Positions Accordingly
In case you get bored of the same style, which is typically the standard “starfish” position, try turning over into doggy and reaching beneath to feel new sensations. Believe us when we say, you might feel shivers down your spine. In fact, you just might learn a new sex position or two as you enter your adventure mode. It’s important to note that there isn’t one “correct” way to go about fingering yourself.
Don’t limit yourself, get creative and as long as you’re safe and enjoying yourself, it IS the correct position.
Fingering Techniques
Now, it’s time to explore some of the real stuff. Take note of what each of these four techniques entail and how they make you feel, so you can repeat the ones you’re really into.
Labia Love
This technique involves using your index and middle finger to tease and please the labia majora. Place two fingers on each lip, go from clitoral to vaginal, and slide up and down. Apply gentle pressure to stimulate your vulva.
Up and Down
As the name suggests, this technique requires a finger moving in an up-and-down motion on one side of your slit. Try rubbing directly over your entire clit area and see how your body responds to the strokes.
Dip and Flick
Once you’re aroused and sufficiently wet, dip your middle finger in the vagina for lubrication. After that, rub your clit and other parts of the vulva. Repeat the inserting process if your finger is drying up. It’s great for reaching climax.
Four-Finger Run
This technique is about using four fingers (index to pinky finger) positioned close together and rubbing them all over your vulva in a combination of circular and up-and-down motions. We promise it’s a whirlwind of an experience.
Best Sex Toys for Fingering
The truth is, using your fingers brings a great deal of pleasure. But if you’re ever in need of some extra help, there’s nothing quite like a sex toy that puts you in control and helps you orgasm quicker without tiring your finger and hand. Here’s our selection of beginner-friendly sex toys and vibrators:
Finger vibrators
Most of these types of vibrators are small and easy to use, making them the perfect entry-level toy. Simply wear it like a ring and position the head to your clit and turn them on. The vibrations will send shivers down your spine and leave you wanting more.
Mini vibrators
We get it — fingering yourself is private and you don’t want people seeing you with a large vibrator. These mini bullet-shaped ones for easy penetration and discreet enough to hide in your bag or purse. They usually have multiple modes of intensity, so enjoy as you please, wherever, whenever.
Clit suckers
Not to be confused with a clitoral vibrator, clit suckers typically have a mouth of some sort that primarily does sucking the clit, which is a little slice of heaven. It uses a suction-like technique that’s really effective for getting you oh-so high and melting in a puddle of pleasure.
Clitoral vibrators
These ones were born to tease and please. Although they don’t usually have a clear and recognisable design, they’re made to stimulate the clitoris. Pair it with the fingering techniques mentioned above and you’ll have yourself a pretty clit party!
Tip vibrators
If you prefer a very focused sensation on a small surface area, the tip vibrator is your go-to. Most tip vibrators have a slim and pointed tip where all the vibrations get sent, perfect for going a little deeper if you’re really in the mood.
The Honest Truth
Fingering in itself is a broad topic, encompassing many different areas. One thing’s for sure, it’s about self-exploration and being open to trying new things.
At douxy, we believe that self-pleasure should be celebrated and not something to be ashamed of. That’s why our vibrators and massagers are of premium quality, ensuring an abundance of pleasure while caring for your wellness as a whole — because let’s face it, everyone deserves a little bit of fun.
